Loving Fully
One of my favourite all time definitions of any word is this one of Love.
“Love is learning the song in someone else's heart and playing it to them when they have forgotten.”
(The origin of this quote is attributed to a few different sources).
The word heart in this context, isn’t our biological blood-pumping organ. Instead it is our heart-space. The area in the chest where we often feel our most powerful emotions. The idea that we each have our own song implies that all of us have a natural and beautiful tune that, when we remember it, fills us with wellbeing. The final part of this quote is a recognition that at times all humans forget their own song.
Finding the song in our own heart.
I think that years of trying to protect our self from emotional pain, means that we can calcify, and lose the tune and the rhythm that keeps us ticking through life. If we are lucky, then we have other people who already know our tune and are willing to remind us. Perhaps they talk to us, look at us or touch us in a certain way, or share activities, hobbies and play that brings us joy in life. Making an effort to connect with these people can be invaluable.
At other times our song may be quiet, lost and elusive, or it turns out we have been trying to use someone else's song for the longest time. The more we find little moments in the day or week to step away from the excess noise and clutter of our life, the more we may be able to hear our own song. We are natural animals, and so coming back into nature will often help us to find our tempo, and then certain activities will help us to notice the other elements of our song. Activities that allow an intentional opening and softening of the heart-space such as breathing practice or certain yoga asanas (postures) can also really help us to become more aware of our own song.
Spending time in nature and deliberately focusing on opening and breathing into the heart-space can be great ways to get back in touch with our own 'song'.
Yoga, and being outdoors are two ways that can help open and reconnect us to our heart-space.
Most importantly we need to be willing to tune into our-self. It requires kindness, patience and curiosity and a willingness to focus and learn to listen and feel and then to trust that what we are sensing is right.
Not all of us are used to talking in such emotional terms and what I am describing may all sound far too wooly or abstract to be useful. One of the most procedural ways to learn to “get-in-touch” with our-self, and de-mystify our emotions is to work through a 8 week Mindfulness Course with a good teacher at the helm.
We are all capable of finding the song in our own heart. We knew it very well when we were a kid, and we can learn to rediscover it as an adult.
Finding the song in the heart of the other (and playing it to them when they have forgotten)
It takes practice to hear the song of someone else’s heart. What lights up their world? What helps them to grieve? how do they rest? How do they celebrate? If the answer to all of these is ice cream, or some other disposable item, then look a little deeper. For instance, ice cream might mean the permission to get under a blanket and slow down and pay attention. Perhaps what they are looking for is deep rest and security. Knowing the need behind the strategy can help us to connect with others more deeply. Again, we are animals, we just happen to call ourselves human. How would we build trust and a deep connection with a horse or a deer? It takes time, patience, deep observation and the willingness to move gently.
