Finding what you want

Finding what you want

Here are some thoughts about finding what you want Is what you want and what you say you want the same thing? Is it okay for you to have what you want? If you get it, how will that change the way you live or the way others see you? If you get it what might you lose? Do you believe you are capable of or deserve to have what you want? How long do you permit yourself to strive for what you want? How long do you permit yourself to enjoy what you want once you have it? What is the criteria for knowing when you have what you want? And will you realise it consistently when you have it? Is it what you want or what everyone else/society wants you to want? Do you already have it? Have you had it, or something similar in the past? What happened immediately after you had it? Do you need to...
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What is phobia therapy and how can it help?

What is phobia therapy and how can it help?

Phobia therapy. What is that? How does it work? Will it work for me? People ask many questions and have a great deal of preconceptions about how to let go of fears and phobias. I wanted to share a no-nonsense approach to answering what phobia therapy is and how it works. As a disclaimer, this blog is of course my own opinions based on my training, my research and my practice working with clients and does not extend to all therapists and practitioners offering phobia treatment. How does a phobia work? A phobic response is designed to keep you safe. If the unconscious has a voice it would be saying "I will never let you be harmed by this again." Unfortunately it acts like a sensitive smoke detector, and sets off a full scale alarm at the faintest whiff of burnt toast. The panic that results leads to difficult or embarrassing behaviour as well as feelings that are powerful and unpleasant. It works when the mind associates...
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Just Calm Down

Just Calm Down

“Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down” States a popular meme doing the rounds on social media. Whilst I would primarily agree with this statement, I think it is worth taking a closer look. There are two problems about being told to calm down. The sentence doesn’t tell you how to do it. If I gave you three balls and told you to juggle, then providing you haven’t practised at juggling, you will find three balls would quickly end up on the floor. Repeating myself or saying “Just juggle the balls” wouldn’t give you any more useful information. It lacks the required steps that are simple and easy to follow.  Being told how we should behave is irksome at the best of times. Being told to be calm, when it seems important that we need to take some kind of action, is likely going to break any level of connection we...
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