Here are some thoughts about finding what you want
- Is what you want and what you say you want the same thing?
- Is it okay for you to have what you want?
- If you get it, how will that change the way you live or the way others see you?
- If you get it what might you lose?
- Do you believe you are capable of or deserve to have what you want?
- How long do you permit yourself to strive for what you want?
- How long do you permit yourself to enjoy what you want once you have it?
- What is the criteria for knowing when you have what you want? And will you realise it consistently when you have it?
- Is it what you want or what everyone else/society wants you to want?
- Do you already have it?
- Have you had it, or something similar in the past? What happened immediately after you had it?
- Do you need to give yourself permission/let go of something, in order to have it?
- When do you want it?
“My heart is a traitor” the boy said to the alchemist, when they had paused to rest the horses. “It doesn’t want me to go on”
“That makes sense” the alchemist answered. “Naturally it’s afraid that in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you’ve won.”
“Well then. Why should I listen to my heart?”
“Because you’ll never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”
An excerpt from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Finding what you want
“There are 2 reasons why you don’t know what you want. 1. You already have it. 2. You don’t know your self” – Alan Watts
Finding and getting what you want may not be way most of the world expects it to be. SMART goals, life plans, vision boards etc whilst they have their uses, can lead you on a journey similar to a dog chasing its own tail.
If you find fear, procrastination or feelings of emptiness predictably standing in the way of you and your target destination, then perhaps it is time to listen to listen to and honour the part of yourself that until this moment has yet to be heard. I expect it has something very important to say.
What we want is often very simple, and the truth is we already have it. Let the finger point inwards for a moment. We would like to know ourselves. We would like to care for ourselves. We would like to contribute. We would like to play, be seen, heard, belong, Loved (by ourselves first and foremost). When we strive for these as our primary goals, the path and the direction of travel often seems incredibly obvious, although we will still need bucket loads of courage and tenacity to break free from our familiar patterns, and prepare to lose some things we’re attached to.
The challenge is not in setting goals and managing projects, people and deadlines. It is in the courage to sit with our self and become better acquainted with the parts of the self that don’t have a clear voice yet. And courage and patience we will need.
You already have what you want.
Finding it is not a process driven by doing but a process of being.
About the Author
Tom Powell is a Coach and Fear and Phobia Therapist. He works with people to help them to find their calm so that they can take ownership of situations and of their path through life. Tom lives and works in Bristol, providing talking therapy sessions, coaching sessions, and works specifically with the mental performance of Rock Climbers.